The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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