her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
