We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize