just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
