When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
