i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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