glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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