6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
