What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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