if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
