Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
