last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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