How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
