So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
