dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
