It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
