Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
