Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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