i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize