We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Come on in and take your pants off
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