So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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