Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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