i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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