Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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