careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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