yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
