HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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