No I am not eating basil off your cock
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
