ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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