You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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