I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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