just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize