I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
