wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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