Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
