the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
