I wish i was in the wii world.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
