Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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