I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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