Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
