I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
