Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
