Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
