I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
