I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
