A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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