her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
