I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
