I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
