Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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