he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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