I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize