I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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