Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
