Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
