Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
