I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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