You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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