You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
