You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
