The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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