She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
