He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize