I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
