were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
