just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
