I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
