What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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