hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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